The more charismatic you are, then the more likable you are, the more money you make, and the easier your communication with others is. Knowing what helps us thrive, helps us around draining people, places, and things when absolutely needed. Knowing how to set boundaries and say no will help you save your charisma battery.
The more specific you are with your desired outcome and intention, the more likely you’re going to get it. (specific calendar intentions – make better interaction) When you show up charismatic, you help everyone else to be charismatic. Some of the benefits of charisma: it wakes us up, makes our interactions feel more alive, energizes our self-esteem, and sparks amazing conversation. Good conversation starters create interactivity that sparks dopamine (vzrušení) – makes our interaction more pleasurable. //NE
INTERACTIVITY: sparks dopamine, more memorable: everyday conversations – break social scripts, wake people up. NE: Jak se máte? Co děláte? NON AUTOPILOT – ANO: Co vám dnes vylepšilo den? (search for positive things makes the conversation more positive) What was the highlight of your day? What personal passion project are you working on? Jaký osobní projekt vám teď dělá radost? (personal hobbies) Do jakého osobního projektu jste se pustili? Have you got anything exciting coming up in your life? (Plánujete nějakou zábavnou aktivitu?)
Using positive and engaging words can help you avoid being accidentally negative.
Surprising helps with cognitive abilities and it’s important for your productivity and charisma. Use names. Repeat them immediately. Offer lemonade/ tacos… slightly unusual request. Little something extra. When we give surprise – we wake people up, we give them this dopamine gift.
We’re constantly sending cues to each other through protoconversation, meaning that 60% of our presence is nonverbal. Use space wisely. (vztyčenou hlavu, lehce paže od těla – vyprsená, na metr od obrazovky minimálně, okamžiky blízkosti-lehce se naklonit dopředu). Create oxytocin moments (doteky, potřesení ruky – 3x s někým neznámým jeho silou = rovnocennost) virtuálně – posílám objetí, high five atd.
There are four space zones: the public zone, the social zone, the personal zone, and the intimate zone.
Oxytocin helps us feel trust and connection and is created when we touch someone with a handshake, a fist bump, or a high five.
O.C.E.A.N. (BIG 5)
The only academically proven personality framework.
Follow the platinum rule: treat others as they would treat themselves.
People who are high in openness are explorers. They love experimenting and going on adventures. Surprise them with new things to try. Trigger the new.
People who are low in openness are preservers. They love predictability, routine, and tradition. Avoid too many surprises. Start with what isn’t changing. Use data to prove that making that change will be worth it. Highlight the benefits and pros of going through change.
Conscientiousness is how we approach planning.
A high conscientious person thrives with order, routine, and organization. The more details you provide them with, the better. A low conscientious person thrives with freedom, lack of boundaries, lack of details, and very big ideas. The fewer details you confuse them with, the better.
Extroversion is how we approach people.
Extroverts are fueled by social time. Introverts are fueled by solo time. Ambiverts are in the middle. What makes you thrive might be different from your fellow ambiverts.
High neurotics are reactive. They are worriers and tend to have high anxiety. They can experience negative emotions more strongly. High neurotics think of worrying as an investment in failure prevention. Low neurotics are more hands-off. They are laid-back, stable, and calm. They think of worrying as a waste of time. We need our low neurotics, our rocks, our emotionally stable people to get us through a crisis. We need our high neurotics to prevent a crisis from happening in the first place.
Agreeableness is all about how you approach cooperation.
High agreeables are cooperative, team-builders, and “yes” people. Avoid over-asking things from them. Low agreeables are challengers, analytical, skeptical, and “no” people. Avoid putting them on the spot.
WARMTH/ COMPETENCE
How can I get more respect? How can I earn trust? How can I get people to like my ideas?
Highly charismatic people exhibit the perfect blend of both warmth and competence. You can use words purposefully to be more charismatic in your verbal communication. The most common nonverbal warmth cues are head tilts, smiles, and leans.
Highly Warm People: have a strong desire to be liked, strive to be friendly and personable, like to please people and struggle to say no.
Highly Competent People: Have a strong desire to be seen as capable and impressive. Want to be taken seriously. Can be seen as smart, dependable, and important.
Ask when you have a question and state when you want to tell something. Avoid question inflection and use neutral or downward inflection when pitching. The best way we can move into the competence part of the scale is using more breath and space. Nonverbal competence cues: Visible hands, eye contact, expansiveness.
We can hear emotion from our vocal power. To add more warmth, add more emotion. As long as the emotion is real, it’s going to translate into your vocal power.
Similarity phrases: Me too, I love that, Let’s celebrate, I agree
Record a conversation: Eradicate accidental question inflection. Listen for a nervous pitch. Do you sound bored? Practice delivering hard news, prices, and timelines.
Kindness is the fastest way to help yourself and others:
Tell me more, What happened, Really, Wow, I love to hear all about it
It boosts your immune system, lessens stress, and reduces cortisol. The more you can get people talking about what makes them happy, the faster you’re going to deepen your connections. The more similarities we have with someone, the more connected we feel to them.
THRIVE VS. SURVIVE EXERCISE:
- Who helps you thrive? ______________________________________________________________________________
- Who puts you in the survival mode? ______________________________________________________________________________
- What activities, locations, events, and places drain your confidence and charisma? ______________________________________________________________________________
- What drains your confidence and charisma? ______________________________________________________________________________
- What places help you thrive? ______________________________________________________________________________
CHARISMA EXERCISE:
- What sparks your charisma? ______________________________________________________________________________
- What makes you competent? ______________________________________________________________________________
- What makes you captivating? ______________________________________________________________________________
- What detracts you from charisma? ______________________________________________________________________________
- Who are your charisma role models in warmth? ______________________________________________________________________________
- Who are your charisma models in competence? ______________________________________________________________________________
- Who are your charisma models in both categories? ______________________________________________________________________________
