Don’t Let in Criticism, but Do Let in Praise
When someone gives you mean feedback and harsh, hurtful, critical words, which we know are the major cause of depression, thank them for sharing that and do not let it in. I am saying, oh yeah, that is your opinion. It is ok for you to have an opinion. It is ok for me to choose not to let it in.
Nothing boosts your self esteem like praise and your own praise has more of an effect on you then the praise of others since your mind believes you couldn’t possibly have an agenda and wouldn’t possibly say something to your self that isn’t correct.
You are learning through this course the particular way to praise yourself and the best ways to do this. Praise boosts self-esteem whereas criticism diminishes it.
Become super skilled at not letting in destructive criticism. Once you become naturally adept at this it changes your life.
Remember the five ways to deflect destructive criticism:
Thank you for sharing that.
I didn’t hear that, could you repeat it. Could you say that again?
Are you trying to make me feel bad? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? (Thank you for your gift, but I won’t accept it.)
That won’t work because I won’t let that in.
I want you to get into the excellent and life-transforming habit of praising yourself and praising others on a regular basis, while at the same time refusing to destructively criticise your self or to let in other peoples destructive criticism.
Since we are sharing, did you know that critical people always have the most criticism reserved for themselves. They express outwardly their dissatisfaction. When you criticize me, and belittle me, and put me down, you’re showing me, and actually everyone else in this office that you don’t like yourself.
Unhappy, dissatisfied with themselves, people criticize.
Write out every compliment that you remember. Do a great job of praising yourself.
By criticizing yourself, you are bullying yourself. Everyone is allowed to make a mistake.
Think about something nice and praise yourself. I am really good now at changing the pictures in my mind. I am becoming so good, so skilled at making what is negative unfamiliar, and what is positive familiar.
Your Mind Does What It Thinks You Want It to Do
NIGHTMARE vs. CHALLENGE
I am choosing to be successful. It makes me happy. … My mind will give me more energy, more passion…
Stop using those words: I can’t cope. It’s too hard. Terrible. Driving me mad. Agony. Stressful. Disaster. Driving me insane…
When you use painful words, your brain decides to move you away from that pain.
I’m going to show everyone how good I am. I’m going to get noticed. People get me. They like me. I love doing this. I’m great at this.
We all have things in life that we don’t want to do, whether it’s working out, getting up early to get a start on the day or doing our taxes well ahead of the deadline.
However, few of us realise that the way we talk about those tasks has a huge effect on our ability to do them.
If we want to write a book, but associate working on weekends with missing out on social events—”Ugh, I hate that I have to shut myself away in this room on a sunny Saturday”— you’ll find that your brain will come up with a million ways to distract you from sitting down to write.
But if you change the way you talk about that task – ”How lucky am I that I have the ideas, ability and tools to write this book. I love writing. It’s so engrossing and rewarding.”- you will sit down to write without resistance.
You Only Respond to Two Things
I control the pictures I make in my head and the words I say to myself.
Replace negative words and images with positive directives that you say out loud.
You may not believe right away that you will deliver your presentation “confidently and assuredly,” but the more you say it out loud, the more you will internalize the belief.
Repetition of absolute, positive, and affirmative language out loud is the best way to change both the words you say to yourself and the pictures you hold in your mind.
So change the word terrified to excited. Change “my children are making me tear my hair out“ to “they are a challenge”.
My mind’s job, if you tell it something is painful, is to help me avoid it, my job, and it’s a great job, is to say my mind: „I love doing this. This thrills me, this makes me feel like a winner.„
Are they excited, or terrified? Your mind can’t tell the difference. When you are scared or excited it’s almost identical, the adrenaline,, the feeling in your stomach. Say: I’m excited. I am ready. I can do this. This is a challenge. It changes everything. It is all manageable.
Make the Familiar Unfamiliar & the Unfamiliar Familiar
If you do anything enough it becomes familiar.
The teacher would say: If you have six companies and you sell one, how many have you got left?
Believing that you matter, that you’re worth something…it becomes familiar. You have to make self belief familiar. Self praise familiar. I am the best. I am good at my job. I’m the greatest. I’m outstanding in this area, no one can beat me.
If criticizing yourself is familiar you got to stop that, now. Because studies have proven, that one of the major factors in depression is harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to yourself over and over and over again.
When you wake up tomorrow and begin going about your day, choose to seek and find pleasure in the most simple things.
Whether it’s a hot morning shower, someone smiling at you, every meal you have, your first cup of coffee, or a beautiful flower in bloom, allow the simple pleasure of these things to sink in and improve your mood.
There is a utility to this despite the fact that it seems quite pollyanna (excessively cheerful or optimistic). What will begin to happen is that your mind will become used to finding pleasure in the most simple things.
In other words, you will be teaching your brain to familiarize pleasure. You wire your brain to notice pleasure in little things.
When the tiniest things bring you a sense of joy, the bigger things in life – a promotion, a new business prospect, a new love – will be truly phenomenal.
Because you’ve wired your brain to notice pleasure, more and more things will make you happy, which means more and more happiness will come your way.
So stay attuned to these small pleasures and take note of how much pleasure they give you.
Do What You Hate & Do What You Hate First
Successful people do what they least like/absolutely dislike to do in order to get to where they want to be/reach their goals and achieve their hearts desire.
Most, but not all successful people, do this naturally, but this doesn’t matter because you already know when you do something that is unnatural enough times it becomes natural.
All the while you are telling yourself:
I want to do the things I like the least first.
It makes me more successful to do the things I like the least first.
I have chosen to do the things I like the least first, and I have chosen to feel great about it.
This action is allowing me to join the success club and if these are the membership dues I am so happy and willing to pay them.
As you say this you are clearly dialoguing with your mind that you want this, that you have chosen this, that this behaviour makes you feel good and is completely right for you because it is making you more successful in every area. Just before you pick up the phone to make that difficult call, just before you sit down to apply yourself to your least favourite job, just before you have to initiate a confrontation, keep saying: I have chosen to do this, and I am going to feel so great when I do it.
People who fail will give up their dreams before they will do what they don’t want to do.
Write out all the things that you hate or dislike or resist doing. Now move it to the top of the list and that is the one you are going to do first.
The mistake which is very common si we are waiting to be motivated. That doesn’t work. It doesn’t happen. You get motivated when you begin. Motivation doesn’t appear and go „hey, here I am.“ You start something and then you get motivated.
Take Daily Actions
When you take 1 action everyday, in the direction of your goals, you simply cannot procrastinate, and this action alone makes you feel more successful and thus you attain both the air and discipline of success.
It is actually better to do small thing every day, because then you start to really feel that you are succeeding.
You Are Enough
Once you know that you are enough everyone around you will know it too.
The common denominator of all our emotional issues (addictions, shopping, overeating, binging) stems from believing that we are not enough. Feeling that we are not smart enough, successful enough, interesting enough, attractive enough, wealthy enough and most of all loveable enough.
When you operate from this misconception that you are not enough, you will always need more if something. When you don’t feel enough you need more stuff.
That is why people who do not feel enough tend to binge eat, binge drink, shop excessively, hoard stuff and have great difficulty accepting compliments.
Many personal development programmes ask you to believe that you are a rock star, superstar, movie star and yet even while you are saying this to your self you are busy rejecting it.
However your mind will never reject this statement of truth:
“I am enough, I always have been and I certainly always will be.”
I want you to get into the excellent and life-transforming habit of repeating this to your self several times a day so that it sinks in and becomes a part of your identity.
Delay Gratification
When you delay gratification everyday, it stops procrastination, whilst simultaneously increasing motivation and it puts you in the mindset of feeling a sense of accomplishment and achievement several times a day, and who wouldn’t benefit from that.
So for instance, when you attend to your emails, work on your blog, clear pressing things out of your diary, then you reward yourself with a personal phone call, a healthy snack or having some time to enjoy reading or screen time.
Really focusing on the fact it is a reward, that you have absolutely earned, and thus enjoy without any guilt, makes you feel good and it’s a habit that successful people develop.
Shrnutí:
1) Nepřijímám destruktivní kritiku.
By criticizing yourself, you are bullying yourself. Everyone is allowed to make a mistake.
- díky, žes mi to řekla (máš právo na svůj názor)
- neslyšela jsem to, zopakuješ mi to prosím? (zjistit, jak to doopravdy myslela)
- chceš, abych se cítila špatně? chceš mne zranit? (tak to nefunguje, protože já tvoji kritiku nepřijímám)
- víš, že lidé, kteří kritizují, mají nejvíce kritiky vyhrazeni sami pro sebe? Lidé nešťastní a nespokojení sami se sebou, kritizují.
2) Moje mysl dělá, co si myslí, že po ní chci.
When you use painful words, your brain decides to move you away from that pain.
3) Reaguju jen na dvě věci: je to pro mne vzrušující nebo jsem vyděšená?
My mind’s job, if you tell it something is painful, is to help me avoid it, my job, and it’s a great job, is to say my mind: „I love doing this. This thrills me, this makes me feel like a winner.„
Are you excited, or terrified? Your mind can’t tell the difference. When you are scared or excited it’s almost identical, the adrenaline,, the feeling in your stomach. Say: I’m excited. I am ready. I can do this. This is a challenge. It changes everything. It is all manageable.
4) Sama rozhoduju o tom, co mi je povědomé, důvěrné, blízké (co jsem ve svém životě přijala za vlastní) a co není.
If criticizing yourself is familiar you got to stop that, now. Because studies have proven, that one of the major factors in depression is harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to yourself over and over and over again.
5) Co nesnáším, udělám první.
Write out all the things that you hate or dislike or resist doing. Now move it to the top of the list and that is the one you are going to do first.
6) Každý den dělám kroky (stačí i malinké) k vysněnému cíli.
7) Jsem dostatečná. Napsat si na zrcadlo.
“I am enough, I always have been and I certainly always will be.”
8) Odkládám odměnu, dokud nemám hotovo, a pak se odměním a užiju si to.
